A Loss and a Gain

I no longer understand my role here. I do not refer to this blog, nor the internet. What I do not understand my place in rather, would be the life I now live. Ever since my One Friend began to accompany me, I have begun to feel... Empty As if I were not needed for any of this, as if their plan didn't even involve me and even if it were to, then what? What's the point? Do I even want to be a cog in this? To go along with something that just makes me feel so... Hollow?

I didn't always feel like this though... 

That knowledge doesn't help me. Knowing that the past was a better place, to know of somewhere that no matter how much want or need I may have to get there... I can't go back.

But yes, there was a time in what feels like long ago where I had someone before my One Friend. Someone who could so easily fill my world with so much light that it blinded me to the bad and that wasn't such a horrible thing to feel. But it's when the light goes out after spending so much time with it that everything around you suddenly feels so dark. That's what I was left with. That someone went away and for so long all I felt I could look at was that darkness.

Perhaps it was by my own choice that I chose not to look for any other light, that I stayed where I was for so long. Of course there were others that tried to help me... But they were pushed away from me, I was intent on remaining in this world I had isolated myself to. That was foolish... I would even call it reckless of me to do.

I don't believe anyone can handle being alone, it is just not in a human's nature to live for so long in isolation.

Perhaps the loneliness that had crept into my heart was what called to them. My One Friend. Did I become a target to such a being because of what I had become? Perhaps.

For in that state is when I finally met my One Friend, or rather, when I finally began to notice them. I do not know when they had arrived because for so damned long I refused to look. Perhaps it was a stroke of luck that I saw my One Friend watching me with such an intense gaze, that stroke of luck being my first attempt to look for something that wasn't that darkness. 

I don't know why I was willing to do such a thing.